OK I am going to share something I am not very proud of about my past. About 10 years ago, I was convicted of Theft of some computer equipment. I was sentenced to 6 months in State Jail.
The reason I stole, is another story for another time, I want to concentrate on what happened to me in jail, for today.
I spent several weeks in County Lock up in Williamson County, Texas. This is just north of Austin and is a very conservative county with very TOUGH standards on criminals. After my court appearance, which was not much, I just pleaded "Guilty, your Honor" and was sentenced to 6 months, I was returned to County, for about 4 days, and then transferred to State Jail in northern Williamson County at Bartlett Texas.
Bartlett State Jail, became my home.
I was scared to death, I had never been in anything but county jails. There were 3 of us being transferred here, and we were put into a small jail cell that reminded me of the ones that Barney and Andy had there in Mayberry, but without the rocking chair. After about 8 hours of processing, shaved head, uniforms, blanket, sheets medical screenings, doused for lice,,,,,,,,,,,,,I was told that there was no more room in "General Population" and I was going to be housed in disciplinary cells. General Population are housed in Dorm type buildings
with about 112 men in a single dorm. There are 2 TV's, metal, bolted down tables, and a locker under each mattress.
While in the cells, just like on TV, 5X7 metal door with a slot in it to pass a food tray, I had nothing to do but read the bible. I read about Paul being locked up for his profession of Jesus Christ, wishing I was here for such a noble cause instead of my own selfishness.
So, two days later I found myself in Dorm #4, bunk 96. This became my Identity, 4-96.
As soon as I walked into that dorm, a young Hispanic man, nicknamed "Joker" came to me and pressured me to join his gang. It was a almost all Hispanic gang. These guys were there for one reason and one reason alone, to make everything you had theirs. You see any money you have when you are arrested is put into your account, and any body that knows you can add to your account. This account is to buy things from the Commissary. things like, junk food, razors, "soups" (Ramon Noodles) even Ice Cream, you had to eat that fast, though, there was no where to keep it frozen. The reason for gangs here in this state jail, was two fold, one share all your money for everyone in the gang, and two stand up, (beat up) anyone who "dis' (disrespects) anyone in your gang, especially the head dude. One of my friends got beaten up pretty badly because he got sick and tired of watching "Walker Texas" on both TV's at the same time, so the head dude could see it from anywhere in the dorm. He voiced his opinion a little to loudly, and paid for it.
It wasn't long , though , that this gang realized I did not have much money on my account, and they let me out. I was considered an "Old School" anyway ( I was in my 40's at the time, and no one much bothered me.)
Being an "Old School" I woke up earlier then most, and would get my bible and read, take notes, pray, study, and breath in the word of God. Then I found out they had chapel services and monthly "Meetings" from the organization "Prison Fellowship" Our volunteer Chaplin was a pastor from the nearby town of Taylor, and I really began to love this man. He was wise, and really loved the Lord. He loved us as well, and you could tell he knew right away the ones of us that were sincere. You see in State Jail, the dorms are not air conditioned, but the Educational buildings were. So anytime you could get away and go to the Ed Buildings, then that was better then sweating you butt off in the dorms. Because of this, Everyone almost, went to anything offered in these buildings. Chapel services were always full, and the ones that sat in the back and cut up, were taken back to the dorms.
This routine went on for the next 4 months or so that I was there. About 2 weeks before I was to be released, I was transferred to the "Low Security" dorm, were older guys like me were pretty much the only ones there. It was a lot more "laid back" and easy, no one got in each others face, there were no fights, no gangs, and it was much more relaxing.
It is here in dorm 6-90 that I began to open up to others about my faith. My trust and faith had grown as a result of reading, studying, praying, going to chapel, and any service that was offered. Guys would see me rise early, these guys were older so many of them rose early as well,and read my bible and study. One man Ben, started getting up with me and brought his bible and we would read and talk about the things of God together. I later learned that Ben had been released and was working in our Chaplains Church in Taylor as a Sunday School teacher and helping young men who were getting in trouble with drugs.
About 2 weeks later I was released. I found out over the next few years, that living for God on the "Inside" was much easier then the "Outside" Inside there are very few temptations, outside they are everywhere. Inside there is not much to covet, outside, they are everywhere. Inside there are no women, outside you see beautiful women who wear next to nothing everywhere. Inside you have TIME, nothing but Time, time to read the word, study it, and talk to God. Outside it gets so busy complicated, and rushed.
What am I saying? I need that "inside" feeling, that freedom, if you will, to worship God, to read His word more, to share Him with others. You see I believe I had more freedom in Christ while in Jail then ever since being released..
No, it wasn't that God's presence was stronger there, it was how I perceived Him. On the "Outside" we have to put time aside to seek Him, but inside, we had nothing but time.
Lord, help me see the difference is within me, not you. Help me see that even though I was a captive, I was free, alive in You, Help me be as free "Outside" as I was "Inside"
Are you "outside", but living like your captive, in your soul? I don't think you have to go to jail, to experience true freedom, but I do think we need to rearrange our priorities. Who are we serving? What is our attention on? Let us take all those "things" that take our time, and narrow them down to the truly important. What is the truly important? God, Family, others. (Note I did not say ourselves, because we are not to be as important as those first three, especially God.)
My time in Jail, opened my eyes, both as a reminder of how selfish I was, and still am at times, but more importantly, who I am serving and why.
Here is hoping you don't have to go to jail to experience true freedom. It is a hard lesson.
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